Afraid to Move?

If you’ve been following me on Instagram I have shared that I am moving to Boston in a couple weeks, September 1st to be exact. I’m not originally from Dallas, Texas. I am a southern California native who migrated to Dallas with an ultimatum given by my parents. They told me I had to move or they wouldn’t pay my tuition. Having no possible rebuttal, I moved to Dallas in June of 2010 and I wasn’t too thrilled about my move back then. I had created a life in Cali that I was knee deep in but when it was time for me to leave, I was more than ready for a fresh start. I was tapped out of resources, had even spent some time homeless, practically living out my car and sleeping out of various friends’ houses. I entertained more toxic and pointless relationships than I could keep up with and had completely lost sight of my identity. I lied to most, if not all of the men I was involved with. Whatever you needed me to be, that was me but it came with a price. It cost me my peace and sanity. I filled my time with toxicity but even in the midst of all that confusion, I wanted to be free.

 

I moved to Texas cutting off many ties to my old life in California. I left toxic relationships cold turkey, got back on my health and fitness, and committed to celibacy within the first few months of my move. I stayed in most of the time, only going out to church or on family trips. I needed to shut out my past and prepare for my future but I began having withdrawals. Through the funding of the pimp, I returned back to California, craving a reminder of home. I spent almost two months in California that fall and I got that reminder plus a few other life lessons I carry with me as a result of that relapse trip. What happened to me on that trip sobered me up. It set a defining moment where I realized that California will always be my birthplace but never again my home.

 

So that leads me to now. 7 years has passed and it’s moving time again. Although I find a few similarities between these two major moves, this move is much different. I am not running from a past life but I am seeking a fresh start. I resolved all toxic relationships before I left and no baggage from past relationships will be journeying with me. I started my health and fitness kick before I left and will be continuing it in Boston. I harbor no ill feelings about Texas and all that I encountered here but instead chalk it up as life lessons. I enjoyed my time here and met a lot of amazing people who touched my life in individual ways. Texas was definitely necessary. It is a book in my life’s novel that I will write out in more detail one day. I’m living out my last couple weeks in Dallas conscious of every moment that passes and selective of who I spend my time with. I have no clue what the future holds. I don’t even have concrete plans, but I am ready for this change and all that it brings. I am making this move with a stable mind, surrendered heart and fueled by faith.

 

Poetic Reflections:

If I would have waited until I thought I was ready, I wouldn’t have ever moved. If I would’ve stayed in the environment I was used to, I wouldn’t have ever grew.  If I was afraid of change, I would miss out on my destiny. So here’s to uncertainty. I embrace it wholeheartedly. – Tatyana Jalisa

 

Parting Words:

Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone. You’ll never know what’s waiting for you on the other side if you refuse to take that step. Learn from my experience. I had a new life with new encounters, new endeavors, and new relationships that propelled me into the woman I am supposed to be waiting for me. I’m sure it will be the same experience on a greater level when I get to Boston. Even when I had that brief relapse to go back to my comfort zone, I had already outgrew my old environment. That trip home and every trip home since then just feels different. It just made me further embrace by new space. What are you missing out on because of your hesitancy to move? I challenge you to step out your box. Whether that be the state and city you were born in or just a space and routine you are familiar with. Get out there and live!

 

Background on my move:

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4 thoughts on “Afraid to Move?

  1. Brandy says:

    This is so inspiring to me because God put that same revelation in my heart about Tx. He is preparing me for the jump bit I musy close this chapter here first more healing to do and wheels are up according to the Lord’s GREEN light. Thanks for sharing may God light your path.

    Liked by 1 person

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