Afraid to Move?

If you already follow me on Instagram I have shared that I am moving to Boston in a couple weeks, September 1st to be exact. I'm not originally from Dallas, Texas. I am a southern California native who migrated to Dallas with an ultimatum given by my parents. They told me I had to move or they wouldn’t pay my tuition. Having no possible rebuttal, I moved to Dallas in June of 2010 and I wasn't too thrilled about my move back then. I had created a life in Cali that I was knee deep in but when it was time for me to leave, I was more than ready for a fresh start. I was tapped out of resources, had even spent some time homeless, practically living out my car and sleeping out of various friends’ houses. I entertained more toxic and pointless relationships than I could keep up with and had completely lost sight of my identity. I lied to most, if not all of the men I was involved with. Whatever you needed me to be, that was me but it came with a price. It cost me my peace and sanity. I filled my time with toxicity but even in the midst of all that confusion, I wanted to be free. I moved to Texas cutting off many ties to my old life in California. I left toxic relationships cold turkey, got back on my health and fitness, and committed to celibacy within the first few months of my move. I stayed in most of the time, only going out to church or on family trips. I needed to shut out my past and prepare for my future but I began having withdrawals. Through the funding of the pimp, I returned back to California, craving a reminder of home. I spent almost two months in California that fall and I got that reminder plus a few other life lessons I carry with me as a result of that relapse trip. What happened to me on that trip sobered me up. It set a defining moment where I realized that California will always be my birthplace but never again my home.