I remember the days when the separation from my ex husband was still new and I had just found additional proof of infidelity. My emotions began with devastation, reached infuriated and settled down with a interjection of maturity. If I could’ve quoted how I felt at that moment I’d title it “Somewhere Between F*** You and Forgiveness”. An array of emotions between dumbfounded and pettiness all crossed my mind and there was no resolution but to work through how I felt. I admit, it took a few months to process but it was my responsibility to heal beyond that. Staying there would’ve only prolonged my healing and I refused to let him or his actions have any more power over me. So cold turkey I refocused my energy. I removed my attention from the pain of what he did to me, to achieving peace.
One thing I’ve learned over my #BloomingUnapologetically journey is that healing comes in waves. It does not happen all at once. Some days will feel unbearable. Some days will feel absolutely liberating. But most days will be a balance of both in between. I’ve had to adapt to taking days as they come. No feeling or emotion that you feel is wrong, it is just your truth at the moment. It is your responsibility to own it, embrace it and continue to level up. Even if you are the victim, healing has to begin and end with you but to even get to that point you have to uncover your hidden wounds.
I had to remind myself of this responsibility recently. I’ve been having a rough few weeks. Not necessarily anything you would see visibly but internally processing hidden wounds that I never allowed to bleed. I covered this wound by ignoring that it existed. I hid from my own truth because even I am embarrassed of it. I let years go by without addressing it and by the time I finally mustered up enough courage to accept it, I was not prepared for the reaction. In the past few weeks I’ve experienced bouts of depression. I knew I wouldn’t stay there but I had to experience it. I had to let the wound drain. I had to expose it to the elements so that it could scab and begin to heal. I had to get more comfortable with my scar so that I can begin to own it. One day I’ll be able to share from the other side of this mountain but for now I wanted to share with transparency my current healing journey.
Are you where I’m at? Are you stuck reliving pain creating self inflicted wounds? Are you bandaging wounds that never properly healed? I invite you to journey with me, bloom with me, and to own your truth for your healing. You may be the victim or you may be the culprit but no one benefits from you inflicting your pain on others. Take time to address and accept what has happened to you or what you have done. After you reached that step, dig deep to see the bigger picture and purpose of the offense. If I had to endure all that I have to prove to others that healing is possible, than I accept my purpose. I’ve lived, I’ve learned and I can now share my stories.