I’ve been known to disappear without notice. It’s not to be taken personal. It wasn’t for attention. It wasn’t to have anyone chase after me or look for me. It was literally to preserve my sanity and bring me back to reality. I wasn’t giving up. I wasn’t running away from my purpose. I was just disgusted with myself. I simply no longer wanted to be seen nor heard and I needed to go back underground so that I could bloom again. My thoughts were screaming louder than my focus. My actions were the exact opposite of my well practiced discipline. I literally needed to jump ship before I wrecked all the peace I worked hard to achieve. So I voluntarily went into hiding to save me from me.
I get a lot of questions on what I did to lose weight, how I started and how I stay motivated. My first answer is weight loss was much more than numbers and measurements for me. It was all about me reclaiming my life and finding me after my ex husband left me. I knew I needed to make drastic changes to pull myself out of deep debilitating depression and it had to begin with learning to love me. My goals seemed impossible to reach. My reflection, I didn’t even recognize. I had literally lost my identity. Who you see today is a product of no short cuts, hard work, discipline and healing from the inside out. Thank you for tuning in to me #BloomingUnapologetically.
I remember the days when the separation from my ex husband was still new and I had just found additional proof of infidelity. My emotions began with devastation, reached infuriated and settled down with a interjection of maturity. If I could’ve quoted how I felt at that moment I’d title it “Somewhere Between F*** You and Forgiveness”. An array of emotions between dumbfounded and pettiness all crossed my mind and there was no resolution but to work through how I felt. I admit, it took a few months to process but it was my responsibility to heal beyond that. Staying there would’ve only prolonged my healing and I refused to let him or his actions have any more power over me. So cold turkey I refocused my energy. I removed my attention from the pain of what he did to me, to achieving peace. One thing I’ve learned over my #BloomingUnapologetically journey is that healing comes in waves. It does not happen all at once. Some days will feel unbearable. Some days will feel absolutely liberating. But most days will be a balance of both in between. I’ve had to adapt to taking days as they come. No feeling or emotion that you feel is wrong, it is just your truth at the moment. It is your responsibility to own it, embrace it and continue to level up. Even if you are the victim, healing has to begin and end with you but to even get to that point you have to uncover your hidden wounds.