The next few posts I will be updating my blog audience on my divorce story. I have already shared this on Instagram several months ago. I will begin with this story with the my “friend” that I chose over my husband. Enjoy!
What do you do when what God calls you to do sounds crazy? Are you willing to walk away from the life you have created for yourself and live a life surrendered for His glory? My 2016 was just that. In November/ December of 2015 I remember being at my lowest emotionally and physically. I was unhappy in my marriage, receiving less than I deserved. I felt depleted in my friendships, pouring out more than what I was getting in and I was at a point where I could not get myself out of my depression. I had hit rock bottom despite what it looked like on the outside. I remember vividly praying to God asking Him to send a friend who can pour into me. To do for me what I do for others and to send that person in whatever form or fashion He sees fit. God answered my prayer almost immediately and radically at that. Literally the next week at work, my team received information that we would be receiving a new addition to our team. An associate decided to transfer from our headquarters in Milwaukee, Wisconsin to my location in Dallas, Texas. I was a little apprehensive because I was not only going through in my personal life but also in my work life as well. I had shut down at work too. Little did I know that person was sent to me. From the moment I met her I knew that she had purpose in my life and my destiny was somehow connected to her. She was more advanced than me, she was more spiritual than me. All these were indicators that she could pour into me. From our first conversations she was able to pinpoint the strengths in me that I had buried. From my development in my workplace, to my physical and emotional health, she was used to shake me from my sedentary position and push me beyond my comfort zone into the woman I was called to be.
I felt completely exposed and vulnerable and truth be told I still do but hey that is what I asked for. I asked for help and God sent that in the form of her. She is completely unconventional, way beyond traditional, tears down any box she is placed in and to this day is the most Christ like person I have ever met in my life. If I had to imagine what Christ looked like, she is a reflection of Him. She taught me how to endure with compassion, to be the best me I can be, to live a life where my ‘yes Lord’ surpasses my discomfort and reminded me that my mission on earth is to love above all and be a reflection of Christ in this earth. I was finally blooming but with my growth my marriage was falling apart.
My husband didn’t approve of our friendship. It made him uncomfortable. Despite the telltale signs that this woman was God-sent, it intimidated him to the point where he decided to remove himself. First it was emotionally then he left physically. She just didn’t make sense, her mission didn’t make sense, her assignment with me didn’t make sense and ultimately how God can use an imperfect human with a lifestyle different than readily accepted was too unbiblical for him. The addition of her in my life was the straw that broke the camel’s back for him and he wanted me to choose and I did just that. I chose to follow Christ and His direction for my life rather than my husband who at that point was no longer operating in obedience nor God’s will. It sounds like I just gave up but truth be told I fought my whole marriage. I did all that I was instructed to do by God to breathe life into my marriage and to assist with the healing we desperately needed. My obedience alone could no longer carry us and as I grew I knew that the level of love he was willing to give was not the love I deserved.
Sounds crazy right? I had this love story that people admired and looked up to that just seemingly fell apart before my eyes. Not just due to my new friendship but for many other reasons as well. I was at a crossroads in life where I was being rerouted. I had to choose between a life of less than I deserved and the life God promised me. He didn’t promise me that my life would be easy or even peaceful but He did promise me that the righteous would not be forsaken and the safest place to be is in the perfect will of God. Above all, I choose to follow God whatever that looks like and however uncomfortable that may be. I’m sure there will be people who don’t understand, encourage me to stay or even disagree with my choice but I know in my heart I have been released and I am at peace with that regardless of who accepts. For those people, I have a few questions. What would you give up to follow Christ? If God told you to go, would you listen? Are you living a life of less than you deserve? What would you give up for your destiny? There is grace in leaving what no longer serves you.
Side note: Sure God could have changed my husband and used him to be that pioneer in my life but there is such thing as too late. What are you missing out on by not accepting the call on your life? Are you forfeiting some of your promises by your disobedience? Are you blocking your own blessings? What will it take for you to surrender your will for His will? Be aware, assignments do change and your obedience determines its expiration date. In my next blog post I will dig deeper into this.