My Modeling Evolution

It’s been a while since I’ve done a #TransformationTuesday so I thought this before and after would only be fitting since my modeling career is blooming right along with me. A lot has changed since the pictures on the left so let’s take it back a couple years to 2017 and I’ll paint the context. I was fresh in my #BloomingUnapologetically journey. I filed for divorce that January, which for me was the key that released me to fully pursue me. It set the tone for me to step outside my box or better stated, crawl from under my rock. Modeling was a childhood dream of mine that I buried because I was told being plus sized wasn’t something I should celebrate or acknowledge. Due to that belief, most of my life I battled with my weight and hid behind clothes that would downplay my curves and plus size figure. Modeling didn’t even cross my mind again until I chose to pursue my dreams and conquer my fears as I began this healing journey. The end of my marriage served as the catalyst that I needed to propel me to be the best me. I decided that I would face my biggest battles with my fluctuating weight and address the root of my lack of confidence.

My Struggle With Confidence

Him: “The fact that you aren’t confident is surprising but I know you have been hurt, I understand.” Me: A lot has happened to me that took my confidence. Truth is I didn’t feel beautiful or even the slightest bit of confidence until recently. I was rejected constantly in my marriage. He wouldn’t touch me. I don’t even remember that last time I’ve been touched. I peeked at my highest weight in life and I’m just now starting to come down. Not sure how much I’ve lost. I start back working with my trainer in the new year. I promised myself that this time I will do this for me. Weight loss is my biggest battle. I had this conversation sometime at the end of last year. He met me at a point where I was still buried in my shell obviously struggling with lack of confidence and I was attempting to tell him how I had gotten to that point. I have come quite a ways since then but my struggle with confidence is a little unique. I wouldn’t exactly say that I struggle with low self esteem. I am confident in my intelligence, I connect strongly socially, and I know that I have a pretty face but I never considered my size to be a beautiful thing. As weird as this sounds to people who see me as confident, I really haven't felt confident until recently. It is true, I have been through a lot of trials that has drained my self confidence but my biggest blow to date was my failed marriage. Not only did his infidelity do something to my psyche but his constant rejection damn near put any trace of confidence I had left in a grave. I’d like to share with you guys a little of what got me to this point.